In the end || 2003-10-25 at 12:31 a.m.
Do you ever just feel like everything is hopeless?God, I sound so pathetic, but I've been feeling like that so much lately. It's scary and sad and frustrating and all of these other adjectives all at the same time. When I'm at work sometimes, it's just like... I see my whole life stretched out in front of me like it'll never change. Like I'll wake up every day thinking, "I hate my job" and yet somehow I'll drag myself out of bed and go to work. Every day. For the rest of my life. In a job I hate.
And I get so mad at my friends sometimes when they haven't even done anything. I just get so mad because they don't have to work at all. They could just go to school. And they don't have to worry about whether or not they'll have the money to graduate because their parents DO... And then I realize how stupid that is...
But in the end I just want to give up, and I just want to cry. Because in those days when I see my whole life stretched out in front of me, it's like fate has all ready dealt the cards, and no matter how hard I try, it'll always be the same outcome.
And in the end all I'll have are my tears. So I might as well just crawl up with them now and get it over with.
I just have to fight it.
But, god, is it going to be a battle.