A Continuation || 2003-10-13 at 12:51 p.m.
But then you think about who you can talk to about all of this, and it hits you - the only person you do feel comfortable to talk to about this, you don't even know in real life. You have friends, lots of them, but none you can talk to. They're either not close enough, or they would never listen. It's not that they don't care about you, it's just that they don't understand. And it's not like the whole angsty teen "no one understands me!" thing, this is actually real, because they're so caught up in the lies society and their family has fed them about the world, that they'll never see your problems as legit. They'd probably try to completely change you, or they might not talk to you ever again. You don't need that.And besides, they don't know you. They think they do, but they don't. You don't want to sound like the typical angsty teen, but this is the truth. They think you're just smore or spike, the girl who takes nothing seriously. The immature dork that has no thought in her head other than to have fun. That's why they're in a constant state of shock all the time. That's why when you prove that you're able to learn things a lot easier than them, when you score just below them in a test that they studied weeks for and you didn't study for at all, they are completely shocked. You hear the gears in their head turning, and you know they're mad at you and thinking how can you score so high when they just know they're smarter than you. It's not that you're paranoid, it's that you know from the tone in their voice, from the things they say, from the way they just have to grab your test from you. And when they realized that within a day your yearbook was crammed with signatures when theirs had a handful, and they'd always fancied themselves much more popular than you. They're not terrible friends, they just have this whole other mindset.
And the friends you do click with never make time for you, and it's hard because they live cities away.
And you're tired of thinking about all of this. You just want to be happy.